Our Village takes its ‘Cue’ from Eric

Last year our Council challenged World Snooker for viewing ratings – and came second! This year it decided to hold the event a week later and was rewarded with an attendance of four Councillors and eight noble citizens.

The dust covers having been removed from the table and the green baize carefully brushed, our Chairman ‘cued’ off, and softly grazed the reds with a gentle Report.

He was followed by John (the Clerk) Berry who smashed into the reds, sending them in all directions, and then potted them one by one – accounts – potholes – grass verges – planning – road signs – new bus timetables.

As no representative from the Estate charity was available, our Clerk continued onto the green, reporting that, despite many good charity donations, the annual income over expenditure had amounted to about £10,000.

John (no, not Parrott!) Mulley took the blue and reported that, after cannoning off a multitude of cushions of ‘form filling’ and ‘bureaucracy’, he hoped that, sometime in the next decade, permission would be granted for the erection of Neighbourhood Watch signs on all roads leading to the Village.

With only one colour remaining. the referee then opened the Meeting to the breathless and expectant eight villagers. Fred (no, not Davis) Inns attacked the black – the dark sinister failure to treat our Conservation Area seriously and effectively.

Eric donned his white gloves and dashed from pocket to pocket to prevent the black from being ‘sunk’ as it cannoned round the table, with observations on red brick houses on skylines – wanton felling of trees – drainage — cars parked on the highway without road fund licences. In the end the referee was effective and the black remained on the table for Fred to tackle again next year.

The lights were dimmed and the dust covers replaced – as a lone voice wondered aloud about the amount of interest our Conservative District Councillor took in his Parish Council. Using his ‘God-given’ Filofax, which he keeps under his cap, our Chairman reported that our District Councillor had been advised of every meeting, but other commitments had prevented him attending more than once in the last three years.

That seemed a suitable moment for all to depart – Who Goes Home?